Not MIA.

Don't know what to say lately about this whole marathon process. Part of me feels like I blew it, part of me realizes I was nuts to start, part of me grieves the approaching end and the damage to myself. But another part of me celebrates the victory of getting closer to who I am, of honoring my body, myself--first by attempting to push boundaries, and then by listening and responding in kind when I began to destroy myself. That ain't no small thing, methinks.

But now I'm torn about the race itself. Do I run what I can and then stop? Do I run and/or run/walk to the finish? Do I skip it and go for a champagne brunch?

People are coming from far and wide for this race, for MY race. Does that mean I have to do it?

I knew from the start this had to be about the process, not the endpoint; there is no endpoint.

My hip is so much better now that I've eased off the running. I still need to stretch plentifully, especially in the morning and at night, but I can walk without limping and exist without painful awareness of my hip. I've taken up a Saturday bootcamp in addition to my three times a week at the gym, and I daresay I am still in good shape. Or perhaps better shape with rest. An hour of outdoor running stairs and doing crazy drills: backwards, forwards, sideways sprints, shuffles and lunges--all felt good and I never wanted to die. Really.

So . . . there it is. No major progress, no major setbacks from last time. Just undecided. Perhaps the answer will appear with great clarity. . . .