Enough already!

I just don't know about this marathon anymore. The new shoes seem good for my hip but bad for my feet. Ouch.

It seems I have thrown myself into chaos once again. The marathon may do more harm than good, and that's where I have to draw the line. As the guy at the shoe store said, "There will be other marathons."

Of course, I might just go and run it until I don't want to run it anymore. I would have changed my registration to the half marathon, but when I called the marathon office to request the change, the lady said, "We don't have a half." Pam told me, "Don't let anyone tell you you can't run a half-marathon."

So, Carlos and I decided we'll just take it as it comes. Maybe we'll run the first 13.1 miles, then take a break at the nearest pub. Or maybe we'll jump in at 13.1 miles and run to the end. What the hell? It's our marathon.

And what I decided stands: I'm not going to break myself for this race. --or a job, or a class, or a relationship, or . . .

Bottom line: I'm done damaging myself. Or allowing myself to be damaged. It's time to heal, to rebuild.

I'm taking myself out of the race to find and follow the Middle Way.

And by not following my training schedule because of this injury, I've finally rediscovered the joy of running. I've stopped beating myself up about not running far enough, well enough, fast enough. Enough! Running two or three miles just to take a break from studying is fun and refreshing. It can be about listening to my body and not simply pushing and forcing and running just to run.

It is enough. I am enough.

Shit I had to go through a lot to get to this point!