Taking it easy

No run yesterday. Everything about me inched closer and closer to a boiling point, which is probably exactly when a run is in order, except when the boiling point is literal. I got so friggin' hot doing nothing special that I had to soak in a cold tub just to get comfortable. I thought I might get heat exhaustion just from doing the goddamn laundry, so I decided running was simply out of the question.

Today I met with TTT, and we worked hard, I put in an hour on the ARC, and she diagnosed me with a rotator cuff strain. Fuck. In her words, "Your muscle is just a little pissed off." She said rest, ice and ibuprofen are in order. Next week we're not even going to do upper body. Actually she's off next week, so it's just me not doing upper body.

Tomorrow I plan to run a good stretch. I haven't decided if I'll go superlong, since I missed so many workouts this week, or if I'll stick to the training schedule which calls for 12 miles. I think I'll do more.

But I think last week I overdid it. I did many more miles than my training scheduled and I paid for it. The stress and anxiety of the ex's visit, the 5 stories I had to write, my concern over all the crazy new endeavors approaching all led me down an old path: separation from self, distance from my own body. I wasn't listening to what I really needed, which was to slow down, take care, and be present with my fear and grief. Fuck if that isn't hard, though.

I'm in a better place now. Thankfully just in time for the ex to arrive two hours early. Of course he was dressed to the nines and smelled delicious, while I had just returned from the gym and answered the door in all my sweaty, ponytailed glory. But who cares? I choose me. I do not choose him. So it makes no difference to me what his perception is of me. Seriously. I kicked him to the curb a year ago this Sunday (there are no coincidences) for so many good reasons. There are also many good reasons why we were together five years. But this is a five year cycle that is complete.

I'm movin' on, y'all.

And I'm takin' care of me and running this marathon for me. For this life, this body, this heart and soul, this spirit. To hell with anybody else's shoulda woulda couldas.

The time is now.